I love listening to people’s life stories and today I would like to share with you mine. I want to say WHY I became a coach and trainer. I’ll tell you the story behind the business, and it’s a very personal one.
On July 18th 2017, I was standing in a completely empty apartment with my one year old daughter in my arms and my two year old son clinging to my leg. The estate agent gave me the keys and said: “You’re in charge now!” The sentence that he had probably said to every new tenant, for me it had special meaning. Here I was, at age 27 with two small children, starting from nothing once again.
This was not how I imagined my life would be when I was getting married five years earlier.
As a little girl, I experienced first hand my father’s lack of respect for women. He was abusive to my Mum, my Sister and I. It was then that I made a promise to myself that no man will ever treat me like my father treated my mother. In my late teens, I started experiencing pain in my chest. When I was stressed out I felt like I couldn’t physically breathe and I was constantly crying. My family home felt like a prison. I couldn’t accept my father’s behaviour but at the same time, I wasn’t able to leave because I was too young. When I was 17 I went to the doctor on my own and described my symptoms. I remember he asked me: “Do you have suicidal thoughts?” I answered: “Don’t we all have them?” The doctor gave me a prescription for antidepressants and referred me to a psychologist. When I told my parents about it, my father said that I was lying. I felt on my own and with no support. Thankfully, I was working in a coffee shop during the weekends so I could afford the medication. A few months later, I turned 18 and I moved out of home.
I entered my adult life feeling old, tired and extremely lonely. I felt like I could only count on myself in life but my past never made me feel like a victim. I was always strong-minded and ambitious.
I didn’t believe that I could heal from taking antidepressants. I felt that going deep within and facing all the monsters from my past was the only way to recover. I quickly fell in love with meditation and once I moved away from the toxic environment I started to feel excited about life again. From this moment meditation practice became my anchor and something that always helped me stay strong in any difficult periods of my life.
Life doesn’t get easier or more forgiving, we get stronger and more resilient.
I was 21 years old when I met my ex-husband in college. After one year together we got married. He was charming, smart and arrogant. I ignored red flags in his behavior, I was blinded by love. I didn’t have a healthy relationship role model around me so it was difficult to know what’s acceptable and what’s not. I never believed in “true love” and the idea of meeting “the one”.
Although every relationship is unique to the individuals involved, after a few years I realised that I was in an abusive cycle, just like my mother had been before me. I felt stuck once again. By this time I had two small children, was living abroad far away from my family, in the house that we had just bought. My life looked great on social media. I was running a business, living in a new house with a growing family. Everything was different when other people were around – he was a chivalrous gentleman. Behind closed doors he was disrespectful and abusive.
I knew that if I didn’t change my life, I could get depressed and withdrawn again. I couldn’t bear the thought of my children growing up experiencing similar to what I had been through in my childhood.
That was the time when I realised that I needed to help myself first to be able to help others in the future. From that moment I had a vision and a strong feeling of purpose – to teach meditation, help others improve their life and in time build a retreat centre somewhere in the Irish countryside. I knew it was going to be a long journey ahead for me.
When I asked for a divorce, the real trouble started. Sticking to my daily meditation routine was influential in keeping me strong and motivated to move forward.
I can’t thank Women’s Aid enough for their freephone helpline, they were a big support, as were my Mother, my Sister and my Auntie.
After a few months of sleeping on the small mattress in my home office, door locked at night, generally stressed out all the time and hiding documents in my pillow cover. I managed to move out while my ex travelled abroad. I could’ve waited for another few months hoping that he will move out, but I felt in my gut that I should leave as soon as possible.
That’s how I found myself in an empty apartment with two small children. The van with some basic furniture and loads of baby stuff arrived a few minutes later. I remember well the first night in my new bedroom. There was only a mattress on the floor and my meditation pillow, but I felt so relieved and happy. Proud of myself and excited about the future.
From that moment I focused on nourishing my relationship with the kids, studying and minding myself properly. It was a great self-discovery journey.
My life was forcing me to reevaluate everything – my values, beliefs, interests and even friends. It was a time to cut some strings, reclaim my power and with full awareness, start a new chapter.
I believe that challenges help us grow.
I believe that we should be pushing ourselves outside our comfort zones.
I believe that change is the most natural thing in our lives.
I believe that life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we respond to it.
I believe that your passion is for you and your purpose is for others.
Most people seem to have only two big regrets in life: that they didn’t pursue their dreams and they didn’t spend enough time with their loved ones. I’m passionate about helping others and strongly believe that better goal-setting, self-discipline and managing our time is key to success.
At that stage of my life studying coaching felt like the most natural path. I followed my heart and my passions, believing that with great commitment and hard work, I could build a successful business. I had connected all my dots.
If I could somehow go back in time and change anything, I wouldn’t. Even though I suffered a lot, I truly believe that all those experiences made me who I am today.
I’m in charge.